Archive for the ‘lighter side’ Category

When someone introduces a useless idea (or one that is narrow in scope) on the Internet, it gets linked, picked, praised, talked about till the transformation from a phenomena to sheer bullshit is complete.

I am taking about Wolfram Alpha. Because among other places, it has been talked about here , here and here.

I have heard enough things about Wolfram already, including the awesomeness of narrow, focused search and a smarter alternative to Google. Isn’t it what is being said about Kosmix and Deep Peep. What, you didn’t know that? Have you been living under a rock? Oh. Sorry.

The first thing you have to understand is, that for the general internet population, Wolfram is fucking useless. When you truly look up something that is going to change your life in this website, drop me a line. And when that counter hits five figures, I will remove this post.

I have a simple test, quite childish but it has an unusually high success rate. I call it the Bird Sex Test. I started it when I was in seventh or eighth grade, when I asked my biology teacher question from the very back of the class – How do birds have sex? Amidst the laughter in class, she was not amused and threatened to take action against me if I didn’t behave. One girl told me birds don’t have sex since they lay eggs. I heard she is now living in a forest with a parakeet as her husband and her small but vibrant community includes Kevin Costner living with a Wolf, Mel Gibson living with a dog, Robert Redford living with a horse and Kanye West living with what is assumed to be a gay fish.

See where I am going with this? No? Sorry. If you suspect someone of being a bore, prude or just getting to know someone, ask the question – How do birds have sex? Usually I find it worth my while to stick with people who either give me a factual scientific answer or the ones who give a crazy funny answer (e.g In the same awkward manner like me, except without the alcohol…oh…that gives an idea I need to go to the pet store tomorrow).

Wolfram Alpha, of course, failed the test.

Wolfram Alpha birds 0

While Google aced it. (That’s 3 76 0000 results for you!)

google-birds-3 76 0000

That’s why nothing can replace Google, somewhere some kid is searching for shit like this and no one can satisfy quite like Google.

The second test I have is the verb test. Xerox has it. Google has it. For instance, no one finds it creepy anymore if you tell them that you Googled them. It’s assumed whatever you put online will be read by people whom you really don’t want to. Tell someone that you Wolfram Alpha’d them – they will run to the nearest cop. Or ask you what kind of sexual position is that and will their vital organs be functional after?

Seriously, Wolfram Alpha is a stupid name for a website claiming to ‘compute the world’s knowledge’. Not to mention the ultimate testament to the fucking ego of the guy who started this. This makes me wonder, how the hell did this useless idea get such free press? Did he hire Jesus as his publicist? No. Oh, it must be Scott Boras then.

Okay I admit, Wolfram Alpha is about numbers. And the saying usually goes that numbers don’t lie. This is the mantra spitted out in all MBA schools. I should know, I took classes in one. The ugly fact is nothing actually lies more persuasively than numbers. The current financial crises should be enough to prove that statement.

Still not convinced? The Goons will convince you what an exercise in futility this Wolfram Alpha thing is.

wolfram01Despite everything, this is still only the second worst thing to come out of Britain this year.

UPDATE: Microsoft has made a huge splash about Bing – their yet to be launched search engine. They are going for the verb thing but are somewhat behind because Urban Dictionary has already defined Bing for them. And the required plug-in, an NYT article ends with this priceless acronym for Bing – But It’s Not Google! Haha!

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This is just delightful…Iranian snipers parading at the annual army day, scaring the shit out of old people while children everywhere were laughing thier assess off.

Be scared…but please don’t throw cigarette butts at these guys.


Tim Dowling: Iranian Sniper or Wookiee? How to tell them apart.

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This explains so much.

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Click to enlarge. Slightly NSFW.

From the BBC

An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing on the roof of his parents’ £1million mansion near Inkpen in Berkshire.

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This Comcast commercial has been out for a while now and to be honest, it’s a sub-par effort. The only thing that stands out is the technique, though I wonder why they didn’t have a compelling story to match it. There have been many ads that have used animation and digital video – very badly – like Charles Schwab and that annoying E-Trade baby. Well, come to think of it all babies are annoying. I digress.

Here is the Comcast advert:

Talk about sitting in advertising ivory tower…who the hell in the world sings about cable, internet and telephone? The blend of animation on digital video with stunning effect was done for the movie Waking Life. Here is the New York Times take on this movie and the technique:

‘Visually, ”Waking Life” is a technological coup: it transforms photographed reality into a sophisticated cartoon world by superimposing brightly hued digital animation on live-action digital video. Mr. Linklater’s stroke of brilliance is his application of this technique to an open-ended fable about perception itself. I can’t imagine a more powerful visual metaphor for the suspension between waking and dreaming evoked by the movie than this surreal merging of photography and animation.’

Here is a cool scene from the movie – wait, go get some magic herbs or a chug down a stiff drink first.

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This is apology we can’t believe in, but yes we can enjoy it regardless.

The only thing I am scared of about this viral is that ‘Ice Ice Baby’ becoming the default ironic ring tone for hipsters. That would be cruel.


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You Tube has a new feature, well it maybe old but I came across it recently…it’s called lights off. Lights off lets you clear the screen, makes the background dark so you can enjoy the content without any distractions. That’s of course assuming you, like me, drink some brandy and search for Beethoven at You Tube. Here is the screen grab.


It takes an even darker turn in the comments, when it comes to Mozart’s 41st…


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Life has been difficult for WSJ for years now. It was taken over by a mongrel from Down Under, conservatism committed suicide, McCain chose Palin, Tax cuts suddenly stopped being the be-all end-all cure for economic messes and even the words on its mast head ‘Wall Street’ fell down a notch below ‘Crack Whore’ in society. So how does Crack Whore Journal react to the A-Rod steriod scandal….well check out the link address.


The link is STILL ACTIVE

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It’s an year old, but ageless really…


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Not sure if this is real, but this kick ass is awesome. Because Circuit City always sucked. And this is the funniest price war ad I have seen in a while. Via


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Just the thing I needed to be back from a brief holiday and hiatus. NSFW…actually it’s not safe for home either, but whatever. Thank you The Mae Shi, Buzz Feed, Interwebs and The Professional.

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The Czech Republic takes over the EU Presidency and it started it swell. They commissioned the artist David Cerny to make an art piece. Like all artist, he lied about who is doing what and did it all by himself. The result is a hilarious installation at the EU. Enjoy.

German roads make a Swastika


The entire country of Bulgaria is one big dirty toilet.


France is on an eternal strike.


All Polish people are gay.


See the whole collection here.

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Must you indulge in scam ads too, Amnesty? Apparently, the German arm of Amnesty International is very concerned about slave trade. So concerned that they did this in an airport, you know, to stop slave owners from picking up their slaves.


Extra points for sending a photographer to document the guy who was documenting this.


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The sweetest thing about having a blog with no purpose is I can post pictures like this. The Duchess sure likes to horse around.


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Bill Watterson’s take on the world never ceases to amaze me. This is the latest Calvin Snow Art meme at Buzz Feed.

Click on the strip below and it becomes ginormous. There really is no better way to spend 10 minutes.


One of my personal favorite is below:


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Burger King has done some superb stuff with it’s King mascot and the whopper freak-out videos were priceless in terms of marketing excellence. So I was eagerly looking forward to their latest effort, which will be fully released later this week. But the preview of it leaves me just confused.

The premise is this – BK makes a documentary style video of people in different countries trying burgers for the first time and the choice they have is a Big Mac and a BK Whopper.  This is summed up, as BK says in the website Whopper virgins, as ‘If you want a real opinion about a burger, ask someone who doesn’t even have a word for burger.’

Really? What’s this? An anti-expert testimonial? Why does BK expect it’s audience to believe someone who knows next to nothing, not just about your brand but even the entire category? I guess I will hold judgment till the whole thing plays out.

Watch the preview here:

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Oh Australia! Has it really come down to this? While this won’t win any awards, it’s fun to watch and I’m sure it must have been hilarious on the set and the editing room.

What’s next – beaver dolls as Valentine’s day gift?

Of course, my blog readers deserve nothing but all the three TVCs. Enjoy.

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Going full-speed for the cute factor, Athens-Clarke County, GA takes a creepy turn…



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Sexism in vintage advertising is a source of many blog posts. In fact, ad bloggers around the world would not have anything to say, if not for these gems.

Not surprisingly, the French have managed to confuse the hell out of us again. This advert, loosely translated means, (Updated. Thanks Lindsay!) – ‘I am like fish in water’.  WTF? And the image, once seen, would be tattooed in your head for years to come.

Update #2: This Ad is a fake. Thanks Copyranter.


Click to enlarge. You know you want to.

Go here to find the whole list

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Gender Analyzer is a new web service that is annoying, pointless and useless. The premise is simple and has absolutely no value – you enter your blog or a website and it gives you the gender of its author. How or what goes into the analysis is not explained.

I decided to check two of the blogs from my feed, who’s author’s gender I know for a fact and see if this website at least does the only one thing it promises.

First, Jet Packs


Okay, let’s try another one, Jane Sample

janeisamanThis is even worse…not only Jane maybe a man, she could be a sexless mysterious creature.

This should be a cautionary tale for anyone dabbling in the next big/interesting thing. The absolute golden rule should be this – if you are going to dabble in offering a service, you should at the very least make sure it works.

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They must have spent zillions to get all these guys in one room. As for as celebrity endorsements go, this is funny.

And I am pretty sure, sports blogs are going to have a field day, especially with Kobe and A-Rod.

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Does God allow these people to lose their soul every time there is an election?

This priceless headline is from The Guardian.

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As I was digging through my book collection, I came across Liars Handbook with a charming list of lies advertising agencies dabble once in a while. This list was collected in 1985 by The Sydney Morning Herald through reader submissions.

And since there seems to a lie list for Creatives, Account Handlers and even Ad film directors…here goes agency lies.

  • We are totally loyal to the client.
  • This agency has never compromised creative standards and we’re not about to start now.
  • We’ve never missed a deadline yet.
  • It is a totally original concept. I’ve never even seen that copy of The Best of British Advertising.
  • We always check the accuracy of the claims our clients ask us to make.
  • We respect the intelligence of the consumer.
  • Our ethical standards are the highest in the industry.
  • We do a great deal of charity work which we prefer to keep confidential.
  • We never do cigarette ads.
  • That’s a special case, to do with long standing commitments too complicated to go into.
  • We never take on a client if there’s any risk of conflict of interest.
  • They’re not spelling mistakes, they are just typographical errors.
  • The art director feels the apostrophe spoils the look of the headline.
  • We conducted extensive and thorough research – we talked to a large number of consumers.
  • The ad didn’t pull but it did a lot for the client’s image.
  • Our audience ratings are down, but we all know about surveys, don’t we?
  • We’re going to be late with the artwork, but wait until you see the treatment.
  • Sure Andy’s a hopeless drunk, but he’s a brilliant creative director.
  • They haven’t taken over our agency – we’ve merged.
  • We didn’t sack Andrew, he resigned.
  • This commercial cries out for atmosphere – we’ve got to shoot it in the Bahamas.

UPDATE: Okay enough of beating ourselves all the time…can someone make a list of ‘client lies’?

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Ever wondered how bad a banner ad can be messed up, apart from the usual lack of creativity and the high annoyance factor? And not to mention, how ads appear magically before the page downloads…well, this time, it’s just hilarious.

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